I lost my father in July 1981. Before he died I had made plans to move to California in the fall. I went ahead with my plans. I was as happy and carefree as any young person going to live in California. I found a place to live and a job, however every day I was waking up crying. I looked in the phone book for any self help organizations, but to no avail. I found a suicide hotline and thought I am not suicidal, I just want to know why I am crying every morning. Finally I called the suicide hotline and a young man answered the phone. I began talking and told him I wasn’t suicidal but just needed to talk to figure out what was going on. As I was talking, one of his other lines began ringing. He says, “Do you mind if I put you on hold?” I said, “No, go ahead.” In a little bit he gets back with me and I tell him a little more. His other line rings and he was very apologetic and I said “Go ahead.” While waiting for him to come back I started thinking, “how many people call suicide hot line and get put on hold?” I thought it could only happen to me and I got to laughing so hard and when he got back on I told him and we had a good laugh over it. We also finished talking about my father dying and that I needed to go through the anger phase of death. That night I had a dream about dad and got very mad at him. I never woke up crying again.